Sorry to Everyone

I am so sorry that I haven't been posting, or managing to keep up with comments that people have been leaving. I am fine, real life has just been getting in the way, and I just can't keep up with everything, so a break was in order, but I should have put something up here - it just kind of got away from me.

Christmas was wonderful, I was together with my family in Wales, and Granny came to stay, which was just lovely, it was so nice to get some time with her, and I was really glad that she wasn't on her own the first Christmas after Grampa died. Sheena was caring for me for 5 weeks over the whole period, so everything went so smoothly, and it was great to be with her - I remember how hard it is to be away from your family at Christmas from when I was living in Grand Cayman (I really enjoyed it but there were times when you would get pangs of homesickness).

Healthwise, I have been pottering along, and that basically means that nothing major has happened, but that things aren't great either. My pain levels seem to have been up which means more painkillers, and when you take them more often, they don't work as well which is just one of those things, but all under control. I also don't do as well in the cold, so it has been lots of hot water bottles and blankets. Cold for us is nothing like what some of you get as we rarely see snow, so when we do it is quite exciting!!

Christmas Soon

Its amazing how quickly the year moves on, suddenly I find myself catalogue & internet shopping for "just the right things", wrapping presents and trying to resort my Christmas card address list. And all at once, and suddenly you realise how close Christmas actually is. When Sheena left to go to another client it seemed like months until she was coming back, and it was, and yet here we are with only another couple of weeks to go.

I think I have managed to finish my Christmas shopping, and most things are wrapped, but as for the Christmas card list, it is up on my screen, and I am avoiding doing it by doing a post, but it will need to have been finished by the end of the week if I am not going to wipe myself out having to write them all in too short a space of time.

I have just had my birthday which was great. I had a wonderfully full day with loads of visitors and tons of cards which I still have up around my room over a week later! Next to me is a helium balloon, which Mummy gave me, and it is on its very last legs, but having it around has been great fun and so letting go just isn't an option right now. I have discovered the fine art of making it balance on the hoist ceiling track, and the wonderful boing sound it used to make bouncing off the ceiling. It doesn't do that anymore, it goes puht and doesn't bounce at all. Soon it is going to have to go in the bin. But it does have this wonderful smiley face, that is reassuringly happy, so maybe it won't mind.

End of that burst of energy, and Rach is coming this afternoon, so time for a rest & recuperate, which means no Christmas card list today, maybe tomorrow!!

Award

I am just starting to work my way back through some of my comments, I never open them in my inbox until I am ready to go visiting and say something back, that way I never forget anyone. Its a system that works really well until the computer goes bananas and you have to reinstall everything. I have only got inbox messages from the 1st September and I know that there were still some older than that that I had not got to, I suppose that I will have to draw a line in the sand and hope that everyone forgives me.

Anyway Mae has very kindly given me this lovely award


I have to name 6 things that make me happy:- my family, friends, my beautiful cat Zena, the kindness shown to me by my carers, my lovely garden that I watch through the window, and the birds that come and visit my feeders. Oh and there is one more which is cheating because it makes it seven, but oh well, my TV, and all the wonderful hours of entertainment that it gives me keeping me company when I feel unwell. I have to pass this onto 6 blogs, so I am passing it onto the first 6 that come to visit, and it is a very pretty award!

Cheshire Wife has also given me an award


she has recently moved to my neck of the woods and is doing up a cottage, and it has been great fun to follow her progress! This award then goes to the next 7 people that visit if I get that many - sorry to everyone for the counting that is having to take place!

I have just been given another award as well - what a lucky girl, this time from Rach who has become a really good friend in real life as well as through blogging - something that I think has changed both of our lives in a really good way. This award though I am going to keep for myself. You are supposed to give it to four people in the same country as you, but I really couldn't do that - I hate giving out awards as I always feel that I leave people out. Anyway this time I am going to keep it!



The other thing that I forgot to let you know about last post is that I am safe financially. The part of the bank I was working for has been bought by another bank, so at least my care is safe which is such a huge relief. I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I have had worrying about what was going to happen, and wondering if I was going to be forced into a home - awful. Anyway things are safe now, so onto the next thing!!

Trearddur Trip

I have just got back from a sneaky couple of days away (no husbands or children) with Rach and Sue. I haven't blogged for ages as I haven't been feeling great, so after a week back on the injections again a few days away was just what the doctor ordered. Sheena got back on Wednesday, we were already packed, and we set off on Thursday morning for the bay.

Rach and Sue arrived down shortly afterwards, and apart from an interruption when Tesco's delivered the food we chattered for most of the next couple of days. They were both really understanding when I needed breaks, and a couple of times they provided a great opportunity for Rach & Sue to go on photo safaris, so they now have some great shots to show for the trip. It was just wonderful, so nice to all be together for more than a couple of hours, and lovely to learn so much more about each other. If you want to see a couple of good photos of me, you will have to check out Rach's blog as she has put hers up already!! Here they are though, my best shots from the weekend, and all taken from bed through the veranda door!






As you can see cameras were very much in evidence, and I know that Rach has some truly awful ones of all of us in Christmas hats - yes we know it isn't Christmas yet, but Sue brought along some crackers which were greeted with great hilarity by all of us, I'm not sure that the photos should ever see the light of day though!! There was one shot which Sheena wants to put up on Facebook, so I think a request to Rach might be in order!!

Back now, and coming down off the stemetil again, so starting to feel the effects kicking in. My new computer is settling in and seems to be mainly sorted - the old one packed up, but thankfully was still under warantee and I have always been a good girl about my back ups, so it has been a rebuilding job with no major losses.

Ouch

Well, this is the longest bad patch I have had in a while, and I am still not out the other side. And my wonderful Rose is having a much needed holiday! Last week a family friend and my Mum covered the breaks between them, and this week I have managed to find an agency to cover. There have been two different girls, both of whom are lovely, so it has all worked out very well in the end, but I am really looking forward to having Rose back on Monday!!

There is a real co-incidence involved in this as well, one of the carers, Casey, is the granddaughter of Beryl & Dick, a lovely couple who live on the close, just a few doors away from me!!

I also have a new Christes carer this week. She arrived on Sunday and has had an extended handover with Elly who left today. She seems to be settling in very well, but is still learning which means lots of questions, something I don't do very well with when I am not feeling to great. Not her fault though, and that's something that I have to remind myself of. When I am in a lot of pain, quite often I just want everything to go away & just to have peace and quiet with no distractions.

I have also been caught up in the news in a totally different way from anything I have known before, as Lehmans is the company that I used to work for, and to cut a long story short what happens to them effects me financially. I have my fingers crossed that everything is going to work out, but it has been a huge worry for me. Stress is a trigger with both the ME & the MS, so it really hasn't helped the bad patch at all. Oh to have been one of the financial whizz kids and have loads of money stashed in the bank! Sadly not the case for me!! Still I have been very lucky up until now not to have to totally depend on benefits, so right now it is fingers crossed.

Long Absence

The first thing that I ought to say is sorry. I am here and in one piece, so a big sorry that I haven't blogged sooner, and a big thank you to those of you who have been checking up on me. I have been away for a couple of weeks with my family to Trearddur, which was just wonderful, so nice to all be able to spend time together with no pressures, and with some great visits from friends as well.

I haven't felt like blogging, I didn't know how to share all the mix of emotions as everything was happening. Trearddur was happy and sad. Grampa should have been there, and he was sorely missed but rarely mentioned, everyone seems to be trying to put a brave face on it and get on with it. It was lovely though to see cousins, aunts and uncles and to spend some time with Granny. And we had some really special news as my cousin Naomi got engaged while we were all up there to a lovely guy called Jamie. One of the photos from that evenings celebrations shows Granny laughing, and she actually looks like she means it which is really special. I wasn't able to go as there was no way of getting me and my wheelchair up to their house. Here are Granny and Naomi - not my photo this one, but taken by Rach my cousin and "borrowed" from Facebook!



And that is another of the sads - everyone is doing stuff around me while I am stuck in bed. There was one party that we were going to try and get me to, a friends 40th birthday, but I had a really bad day pain wise so there was no way that it was going to be possible even after all the planning.

One of the really good things though was getting to spend lots of time with Bel, my sister who I totally adore. She is a real character with an amazing sense of humour, wonderful personality and beautiful too - and yes I know that I am biased, but believe me it is true! Another was things like meeting my cousin's new baby Finn, and here is a pic of Mummy with him - he is adorable!



The new Judy came with us as my carer, and did a wonderful job, she fitted right into the family, and was great about being there when she was needed, and disappearing when guests turned up. Bel, Judy and I played a lot of cards as it rained for most of the holiday, and I think that we have got her totally hooked on the game.

While I have been away the painters have been in giving the bungalow an overhaul, so for the first time in years there are no wheelchair marks along all the walls!! I just wanted it nice and simple so magnolia walls with white ceilings and paintwork throughout. It looks lovely, and there are also now no nicotine stains in the corners of my room!! It has been very nearly 4 months now since I gave up, and I still get the odd craving, but I have stayed strong, even though I have been around other people smoking for the first time - ooohh the temptation though!!

Sheena has arrived back from her trip back home to South Africa, and it is great to see her. I know that the first few days are always hard for her as she gets used to being away from her family again, but she says that she is pleased to see me - I am very lucky to have such a great carer in her and in Rose. Rose is going to be taking a holiday in a couple of weeks as her daughter is coming over, so my relief carer will be changing, Cathy will hopefully be covering some of the days as she has been before, but there will be at least one new carer too. And a new Christies carer at the same time - it is going to be interesting to say the least.

Anyway there it is, I am ok, still a little sad, not feeling brilliant, but just awol and daunted by doing a new post when I still haven't managed to catch up with everyone else. I'm not gone though!!

Awards

Firstly and most importantly I would like to say a big thank you to everyone who has given me so much support over the last few weeks, it has really helped to know that people cared and were praying for me and for my family. Everyone is remembering Grampa with everything that they do, but doing their best to carry on with life. I have gotten terribly behind with everyone's blogs, and am going up to Trearddur on Friday to join the rest of my family for a couple of weeks, so will end up even further behind as I am not going to have a chance to catch up before I go let alone anything more that might be needed. It has been stopping me blogging though, and I think that that is a really bad thing, so I am going to blog today anyway, and ask for everyone's patience. What I think I am going to do is start again with a clean slate when I get back, and not even try to catch up as it is just going to be overwhelming. I'm sorry to all my friends, but I'm just not going to manage it any other way.

The actual day of the services went really well, we started at the crematorium with just part of the family, my Granny, her children, my sister, and one of my cousins. The service was short but lovely, and along with the memorial was taken by a vicar that Grampa knew very well who is actually retired, but came back to do this for Grampa. The memorial was beautiful, that is the only way to describe it. Both were obviously very sad with many tears being shed, but the eulogy was well spoken with great pride by my uncle and a couple of my cousins did readings. The church was absolutely packed with people who had come to pay their respects to Grampa, and from all different areas of his life - Trearddur and sailing, his art, his church work, the village, his bridge, and the list goes on, all with wonderful happy memories to share. After the service we went on to the village hall for the wake, but by this point I was just exhausted, and had consumed rather a lot of painkillers and anti-spasm drugs, so it was time to get me home, but I heard later that people had stayed for ages talking of Grampa and sharing memories, before the rest of the family had headed to Grannys to have fish & chips. As I said a beautiful day.

Since then I have felt much better about Grampa, but lost otherwise. The service helped me to say goodbye to him, and he had led a long and full life, but a part of me really feels that it should have been me going not him. This illness has had me in its clutches since 2001 (with several major problems in the years before that), but 2001 was when my life as I knew it was over, and I had to relearn what life was about. But it hasn't taken me, and I have been left in limbo, not dead, but not living either. Something that I really struggle with. I asked my local vicar Lesley to come out and give me communion this week, and we had a long talk about several things which has really helped.

While I have been awol, several people have very kindly honoured me with awards. These came from Jules who has very kindly given me two! Jules along with most of my other blogging friends has also been really kind to me during the last few weeks which have been horrible. And it has been much appreciated.





San at A Life With a View has also very kindly given me an award she thinks that I'm just plain fun to read, a huge compliment especially when everything has been so miserable recently!




Sandi at Holding Patterns has given me sharing the love! Something that I totally believe in, we can never have enough support and love, every little bit that gets passed on is precious.



Crazy Cath has awarded me too, with I've got a friend in you, a sentiment that is happily returned to her!



Neereandear has also given me an award, a very beautiful one called the Wylde Woman award, and I need to link back to Tammy Vitale, who is the artist who created it. I have to admit the one person that this award made me think of is San, who as another artist would really appreciate it.



These awards are for everyone, you have all be so kind and supportive, and I don't know how to thank you, so sharing these will have to be it! Please help yourself to one or many that you don't have.